[ CURRENTLY LISTENING TO; Demi Lovato – “In Case” ]
[ MOOD: Frustrated ]
It’s been a while, I know. I’d say I’m sorry but the truth is, I’m not. I think it’s time to get this off my chest. This post is an emotional one, so please hang tight. I have a method to my madness, I promise. I’m an incredibly private person, but this….something in my gut tells me this needs to be done. Although here is a blog post in here somewhere, this is also an open letter. Straight from my soul.
As you all know, a few months ago my life went from zero to sixty in one week. I went from losing my job, to traveling for almost two months back and forth, to completely uprooting my life and relocating to a totally new place for said job. I went from scared and nervous, to excited, to overwhelmed in less than a few days. It was incredibly scary, and a huge leap of faith. The decision was easy. Do it. Move and don’t look back. With that decision, my support system suddenly disappeared, I was left with a few people who understood the need for this change to happen and everyone else – people I loved dearly and treasured with my whole heart, left me. Alone. The person I loved the most, was suddenly unable to stand there and support me throughout this huge change I was embracing. I stood there, head up, chest out – with my unwavering faith in myself (and Nov), and took the biggest leap of my of my life.
It’s been four months. Four months of redefining my career, building a brand new home, and creating a structure to thrive in, while ignoring the one thing that mattered the most. I was heartbroken. Correction: I am heartbroken. The best thing in my life was suddenly gone, and I had to keep my heart together in order to get through the rough hurdles that were ahead of me. I had to focus on my future – my job, my home. Nothing else mattered but laying the foundation for my future, working my ass off at a company I loved, and settling into my new life. Because of that blind determination, I grew numb.
Flash forward to four months later. Now. Work, is hard. This is the most out of control my life has been, and it’s wearing on me in ways I never thought possible. I would always pride myself on being strong, determined and unstoppable when the going got tough. The going has been tough for months now. I’m fraying fast, and doing the best I can to hold on. Don’t get me wrong: I have a launching pad built for a career that I’m fighting for every day, and I have a wonderful home with my twin sister (and our two fur babies we recently adopted). I’m spread incredibly thin. My faith in things have been tested, and is spiraling like crazy in so many directions. Then suddenly, a few days ago – it happened. I wasn’t numb anymore. Out of nowhere, I remembered. I was in love, and my relationship with the man I planned to marry, was gone. It’s as if it never even happened. There is no trace of him in my real life. His clothes aren’t hidden away in the closet, his things aren’t packed up in a box somewhere. They are all tucked away in a neat little program called Second Life. I think this is why it was easy for me to forget everything was falling apart – because my computer was turned off. I didn’t have to hide pictures of him in my house, or worry about smelling his cologne on my sheets. None of it mattered, until I turned my computer on again. Pictures of him, memories of us – movies, songs, videos, games. It was all there. He’s everywhere, now. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him and wonder, where is he? Why isn’t he here? What went wrong? I’ve been beating myself up with so many questions and what ifs. Four months later and I’m finally feeling the pain of what was lost. Grieving the loss of a relationship, a person I was so in love with. Someone who is now, a stranger.
I am certain that none of this makes any sense to you guys, but I’m hoping it’ll shed some light on why I haven’t been here. I haven’t been on SL, I haven’t been tending to a blog I dedicated over three years of my life to. Much like my ended relationship, this blog has been perfectly hidden from my life. Until now. It’s time I accept the things I cannot change, let everything fall as it may and focus on on myself; what makes me happy. And if I can learn to be happy again, then he can to. I’m certain he has. I hope she makes him happy.
Blogging, on SL made me happy. That is why I wanted to do this post. I wanted to spend some time doing something that made me very happy, for a very long time. Taking part of something that is mine, that I control and can protect – it’s going to be what gets me through this moment in my life. And with that, you’ll see me. I’ll be on SL. I’ll be shopping. I’ll be making new friends, and experiencing things all over again with brand new eyes.
So, the purpose of this blog post is to say this: Hello. I’m Morgynn. I’m newly returned to SL, and I like to blog. Would you like to be friends? I hope so.
SKIN: L’Etre Skin Shop – Melissa Skin [Buttermilk]
HAIR: Lamb. Wolf – Pastel Pack
SKIRT: Blueberry – Harlow – Dark Blue