“ONE DAY, EVENTUALLY, I’LL HAVE TO LET IT ALL GO.”

[ CURRENTLY LISTENING TO; Demi Lovato – “In Case” ]

[ MOOD: Frustrated ]

It’s been a while, I know. I’d say I’m sorry but the truth is, I’m not. I think it’s time to get this off my chest. This post is an emotional one, so please hang tight. I have a method to my madness, I promise. I’m an incredibly private person, but this….something in my gut tells me this needs to be done. Although here is a blog post in here somewhere, this is also an open letter. Straight from my soul.

As you all know, a few months ago my life went from zero to sixty in one week. I went from losing my job, to traveling for almost two months back and forth, to completely uprooting my life and relocating to a totally new place for said job. I went from scared and nervous, to excited, to overwhelmed in less than a few days. It was incredibly scary, and a huge leap of faith. The decision was easy. Do it. Move and don’t look back. With that decision, my support system suddenly disappeared, I was left with a few people who understood the need for this change to happen and everyone else – people I loved dearly and treasured with my whole heart, left me. Alone. The person I loved the most, was suddenly unable to stand there and support me throughout this huge change I was embracing. I stood there, head up, chest out – with my unwavering faith in myself (and Nov), and took the biggest leap of my of my life.

It’s been four months. Four months of redefining my career, building a brand new home, and creating a structure to thrive in, while ignoring the one thing that mattered the most. I was heartbroken. Correction: I am heartbroken. The best thing in my life was suddenly gone, and I had to keep my heart together in order to get through the rough hurdles that were ahead of me. I had to focus on my future – my job, my home. Nothing else mattered but laying the foundation for my future, working my ass off at a company I loved, and settling into my new life. Because of that blind determination, I grew numb.

Flash forward to four months later. Now. Work, is hard. This is the most out of control my life has been, and it’s wearing on me in ways I never thought possible. I would always pride myself on being strong, determined and unstoppable when the going got tough. The going has been tough for months now. I’m fraying fast, and doing the best I can to hold on. Don’t get me wrong: I have a launching pad built for a career that I’m fighting for every day, and I have a wonderful home with my twin sister (and our two fur babies we recently adopted). I’m spread incredibly thin. My faith in things have been tested, and is spiraling like crazy in so many directions. Then suddenly, a few days ago – it happened. I wasn’t numb anymore. Out of nowhere, I remembered. I was in love, and my relationship with the man I planned to marry, was gone. It’s as if it never even happened. There is no trace of him in my real life. His clothes aren’t hidden away in the closet, his things aren’t packed up in a box somewhere. They are all tucked away in a neat little program called Second Life. I think this is why it was easy for me to forget everything was falling apart – because my computer was turned off. I didn’t have to hide pictures of him in my house, or worry about smelling his cologne on my sheets. None of it mattered, until I turned my computer on again. Pictures of him, memories of us – movies, songs, videos, games. It was all there. He’s everywhere, now. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him and wonder, where is he? Why isn’t he here? What went wrong? I’ve been beating myself up with so many questions and what ifs. Four months later and I’m finally feeling the pain of what was lost. Grieving the loss of a relationship, a person I was so in love with. Someone who is now, a stranger.

I am certain that none of this makes any sense to you guys, but I’m hoping it’ll shed some light on why I haven’t been here. I haven’t been on SL, I haven’t been tending to a blog I dedicated over three years of my life to. Much like my ended relationship, this blog has been perfectly hidden from my life. Until now. It’s time I accept the things I cannot change, let everything fall as it may and focus on on myself; what makes me happy. And if I can learn to be happy again, then he can to. I’m certain he has. I hope she makes him happy.

Blogging, on SL made me happy. That is why I wanted to do this post. I wanted to spend some time doing something that made me very happy, for a very long time. Taking part of something that is mine, that I control and can protect – it’s going to be what gets me through this moment in my life. And with that, you’ll see me. I’ll be on SL. I’ll be shopping. I’ll be making new friends, and experiencing things all over again with brand new eyes.

So, the purpose of this blog post is to say this: Hello. I’m Morgynn.  I’m newly returned to SL, and I like to blog. Would you like to be friends? I hope so.

OSTT56001

OSTT56002

SKIN: L’Etre Skin Shop – Melissa  Skin [Buttermilk]

HAIR: Lamb. Wolf – Pastel Pack

JACKET: Blueberry & Enfant Terrible – Suko Set – Black ( @ Uber)

SKIRT: Blueberry – Harlow – Dark Blue

SOCKS & BOOTS: REIGNxFLITE– DEVON BOOTS- BLACK ( @ Uber )

 

 

3 thoughts on ““ONE DAY, EVENTUALLY, I’LL HAVE TO LET IT ALL GO.”

  1. Morgy, I adore you so much, and I admire you and think you writing this was so brave. It’s really hard to uproot and move and do scary adult things, but you’re doing them and making a better life for yourself. It sucks when that support system becomes knocked out from under you, but you’re proving that you can make it…I think you and I talked a little bit about heartbreak. I am there with you right now…all of a sudden the man I was planning to meet in RL and started building a relationship outside of SL left me, and four months later I still feel like I’m broken apart. It’s so tough. So…I don’t have any words of wisdom or advice or w/e, but I do have a shoulder and access to ice cream. ❤ I think things will get easier…

  2. Sometimes, you just gotta get all that shit that is piling up in your head, out on paper (or in this case, in text) and it makes everything clear. I’m so proud of you for getting this all out, and for what you have accomplished in the last year. It really is amazing what a little opportunity can do for your life. You are so much stronger than you believe yourself to be, and I really admire that about you ❤

    As for the love lost, that pain will continue to sting for a while, at least until you find yourself capable of loving that way again. But anytime you feel the pain and you wonder where he is, remember that he chose to exit. Don't let that fact give you pain. When two people really love each other, they are in it for the long haul, and he wasn't. You don't need that in your life, not one bit. Hold your head up high because you showed him the love he wasn't strong enough to show you. You never have to have that guilt on your shoulders like he will. You deserve somebody who is going to fight every day to stay in your life, and is going to hold your hand through all the chaos. You are better off knowing that there is a whole world of opportunity out there, and someone out there who will do what he never could.

    You are awesome 🙂

  3. I think you are a wonderful, amazing, extremely talented person. And I am so proud of you for finally just saying how you really feel and letting it all come out. As someone who’s been through the same, I can tell you that it will get easier. Time will heal the wounds and you’ll learn how to move on. Of course you never forget.
    There will be times where you’ll think about him and grow sad or maybe you’ll smile but there will be those times he will creep back into your thoughts and your heart will hurt. And that’s okay! There will come that time when you are ready to open yourself back up and at least believe in the possibility of a new, better love, one that you deserve!
    Keep marching on! You are so strong and resilient and I know there is someone out there meant just for you. That when he finds you he will move mountains to be with you. But until that day just know you have people who love you and support you and will help you along the way.
    As your friend said…you are awesome. 🙂

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